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☻MISTAKES

Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control!



☻ PICTURE

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.



☻MAN

Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!

☻ COCUNUT

What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT'



☻ SHOWTIME

Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!

☻LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.



☻SEX MACHINE

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.



☻ SEX ON TEXT

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!



☻ CARS

Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...' Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'



☻ DEPRESSED

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?



☻ BAR STOOL

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.



☻VIAGRA

CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you



☻ WE CAN MULTIPLY

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!



☻ SNOW WHITE

*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'



☻ GLOW IN THE DARK

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark



☻ PENIS & BALLS

Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!



☻ STUPID PYJAMAS

Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!



☻BRUSH MY TEETH

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth



☻ RING

I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....



☻ DUMB

What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole!



☻ SAGGY BOOB

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!



☻ BLOW JOB

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!



☻ COVER ME

What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...'

☻ TITS DAIRY

I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy.



☻Suspense how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
☻Statistics At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
☻Farmer Joneshas farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag
☻Gary Gliter *Newsflash*
The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach.
The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's
☻Ba Ba White Sheep ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
☻Leather Heather there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
☻Little Miss Drugy little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.
☻Jack and Jill Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER
☻IRA what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth
☻Dear Mammy love annie There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻Cock Sucker Detecotor This is a cock sucker detector
Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....
The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...
COCK SUCKER !!
☻Pink Vagina Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?
☻Red Riding Hood Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!
☻Fuck for money sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourse

See sms zone

I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...

I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text! pass on

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

True love is like a pillow U could HUG it when u r in trouble U could CRY on it when u r in pain U could EMBRACE it when u r happy Want True Love? Spend Rs.50 BUY A PILLOW

Dictionary is da only place where death comes before life, success before work, & divorce before marriage. but the Best part is Friend comes before relatives :)

Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects

Husband asks, do you know the meaning of WIFE. It means… Without Information fighting every time! WIFE says No, it means - With Idiot For Ever

I have a confession to make ever since I met u its been hard for me to 4get u every night I see u in my dreams and find myself shouting GHOST GHOST !!!

Wrote your name on the sands.....It got washed away,i wrote your name in air....It got blown away,so i write your name in my heart...I got heart attack!!!

Hey listen......Two people were asking Me about you, I give them ur address And cell no,They will b visiting u soon,Their names r joy n happiness.

it takes 15 trees 2 produce d amount of paper dat we use 2 write in 1 exam. join us in promoting d noble coz of saving treez.....say NO 2 exams:-)

Roses r red violets r blue. Monkeys like u should kept in a zoo Don't get angry because u will find me there too. Not in a cage but laughing at you

Dear customer, U r not using ur SmS service properly.Ur sim will be deactivated soon.To avoid this,urgently reply with a cute SmS to the sender. Sndr's watng?

I'd love to take u out 4 dinner, make u sit beside the candle light, shower u with roses and utter those 3 magical words in ur ear "PAY THE BILL

Once Upon a Time, Something happened to me. It was the sweetest thing that ever could be. It was a fantasy, a dream come true it was the day I met you.

Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!
ex is like programming; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

See sms zone

☻Of all the friends I've ever met. Your the one I won't forget. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.
☻When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, because I did it and I found you.
☻Words however special... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart. xXx
☻I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!.…
☻Love under the stars... they seem very far, but you are so close the star I love the most.
☻Somewhere, some1 dreams of your smile & finds your presence in life so worthwhile. So when your lonely, remember its true that some1, somewhere, is thinking of u.
☻Theres a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when you're gone. Mend me to your side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, what's simple is true, I love you.
☻Falling in love is when she falls asleep in your arms and wakes up in your dreams !
☻My love, words however special ... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart!!!
☻The day that I'll die, when death replaces birth, I'll recognize angels' faces, because I live with one on earth.
☻Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice!
☻Heaven is the place where I would be, the day you would stop loving me!
☻I miss you ... I need you ... More and more .... each day ... I love you ... more than words ... can ever say.
☻If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!
☻The hardest thing in life is watching someone you love , loving someone else.
☻Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and that one is ME !
☻Don't love 1, don't love 2, but love the 1 who loves you.
☻The words are easy when the language is LOVE !
☻There is somebody in the world. Diferent from the rest. The sweetest person I know. That is why I love you so.
☻You showed me how it is to be loved. Now i know what really love is. 1 day we will be together forever. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.
☻I love three things: the sun, the moon and you, the sun for the day, the moon for the night and you forever.
☻i love the 'y'
i love the 'u'
i love the 'o'
put them together
and i love 'you'
☻For the world you are somebody, but for somebody, you are the world! Lots of love, Somebody.
☻The first time we kissed, I closed my eyes, He closed his eyes, and then....… WE MISSED!
☻Sometimes words are hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you know you're always on my mind!
☻Where ever you're going, I'm going your way !
☻Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a mini with you.
☻For there is a certain someone who makes the grey sky blue, I'm glad to say that one is you.
☻I don't wanna feel the way that I do, I just wanna be right here with you, I don't wanna see, see us apart, I just wanna say straight from my heart I miss you
☻If you're the desert, I'd be the sea. If you hunger then hunger for me. Everything you ask I'll be. It's all good as long it's you I see.
☻You can fall from a bridge, you can fall from above, but the best way of falling, is falling in love!

☻SMAK ... A mobile kiss... Keep your mobile close to your ear!

☻Love is like war ... Easy to start ... Difficult to end ... Impossible to forget...

☻What I feel for you,is really true. You got to know,I need you so. When you are gone,I can't go on. Can't you see, that you are the only one for me?

☻If I had a penny for everytime I thought of you, I'd still miss you, but at least I would be rich enough to come and see you..!!

☻ I miss you so, here around me, so many people, but yet so alone. I miss your lips, your lovely smile, I miss you each day more and more!

☻If I die and go to heaven, I'll put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see, how much you mean to me.

☻Every message is a smile ... every word is like a kiss but when you touch me ...remember this ... my life is full with happiness

☻By following my heart I came to you, I only forgot to take something back with me. For my thoughts are still with you.

☻The ideal husband is the one who understands what his wife did not say.

☻Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and that one is ME !

☻If the people we love are stolen away from us the only way to have them live on is to never stop lovin'them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever...

☻Without love I cannot live, You are love so I cannot live without you!!!